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Vogon Poetry Competition

I wish I’d thought to video tape this, because it was truly hysterical. Most of us had moments of fits of laughter from the various deliveries or lines, and everyone who wrote a poem did a fantastic job. The other funny part was in tying the judges to the poetry appreciation chairs. So here are pictures of the chairs and judges. Redd’s somewhat Swedish Chef inspired poem with her fabulous delivery won, but McAmason’s was a close second and generally agreed to being the most Vogon-like.

The judges tied to their chairs (see Raven's winning robe in the top picture & Trillian from the BBC show on the TV in the background of the second picture):
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

The winner (sitting between two of the judges):
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

The rules:
Rule one: the poem must be two verses long. (Really you can just bisect it.)
Rule two:The poem must contain at least three nonsense words.
Rule three:In honor of Monkeys, the poem must reference cheese, Apple computers, or 80's arcade games.
Rule four: The poem must be awful.
Rule five: The poem must be really awful.
(I gave some examples from the book on the back as a guide. The two verses references the Infocom game's instruction to use the second word from the second verse to open the lock.)

Some of the poems: I'm trying to make them be not as long by using / to show line breaks. :)

The Winning Poem
Bork Bork Bork / Smorgessborgeer bork / iPod Borkitty bork Apple / Ms Pacman Bork Schork

Fromage Fromage Fromage / Smorgeesborgeer Fromage / Apple Fromagitty Fromage iPod / Donkey Kong Fromage Schromage / Krispy Kreme Krispy Kreme Krispy Kreme (the rest was just doodles of donuts)

2nd Place
My slurtflanning howls langourously; / I have gabshofted thee with curds of gouda. / Thy oozings leave me devflofipil'd, / and all is norgrilifaction.

Whither departest the bacteria-modulated milky foodstuffs / that slurt me when in deepest snorlaction, / my umber need unshofted, / while all around, my yunnings defract and distract / my need for umpulation.

Who What When Where
Timey Whimey / Lemon Limey / Who goes where he goes?
Hibbity Jibbity / Lemony Snicketty / What happened to your toes?
Blackety blue-ety / They grew and they grew-ety / Where the $#@# did this blue box come from???

My Poem (my husband points out every Mac in movies/shows)
Macintosh, oh Macintosh / with your prismatic pomme / Why must you infiltrate every bijou feature? / How can I savor my cinematic escapade / when constantly interruped by exuberant shouts and exultations and / frantic digitations directed at the projector's screen.

Groop, I impore thee, Macintosh / Forsake your insidious ways. / While your fruit may be hidden, your shapely form betrays your presence / to those with keen and sensitive gaze. / For Thou art trixy and trecherous. / Quit my dramaturgic media and spare my eyes and ears from assault. / One of these days I'll get poked in the ear!

I have three more I can post, but I'm starting to get hungry, so I'm off to heat up leftover chocolate fondue! :)
Someone already put theirs up on their LJ (see magnet5's post http://magnet5.livejournal.com/230926.html


( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 16th, 2008 12:14 am (UTC)
My "Who What When Where" poem totally should have won, because it didn't follow ANY of the rules, save one. I had some made up words in there.

Maybe next time I'll read the directions.
Then again, maybe not.

Sep. 16th, 2008 12:38 am (UTC)
You had four of the five rules! You had nonsense words, THREE verses, it was awful, and it was really awful. You just didn't mention cheese. Monkeys likes DW so it works ;)

Okay, it wasn't awful awful, it was cute. But still... we can count it.
Sep. 16th, 2008 12:41 am (UTC)
I got my Garmin today!! Wooooo!
I can't wait to use it for our trip this weekend!!
Sep. 16th, 2008 02:56 am (UTC)
ooooooh, remember JoCoBear! We should have had him at the party. Bring him over sometime while I still have the planets hanging in the Alice room and we can hang him and a towel up on the line so that he can be here retroactively. Or we can set him in the Nutrimatic Tea Dispenser or Babelfish Vending Machine. :)
Sep. 16th, 2008 03:11 am (UTC)
by the way, i signed on as jocogo JUST so that i could use that recalculating icon ;)
Sep. 16th, 2008 03:21 am (UTC)
He was filmed in one or two locations at D'con.
He preferred to keep most of his adventures a secret though.

Should he go to Pirate Palooza?
Sep. 16th, 2008 03:31 am (UTC)
I say yes! I wish we had a little pirate hat.
Sep. 16th, 2008 03:33 am (UTC)
Me too!
Hmmm.. There's a little pirate hat on the "Capt Jack" that I have in my car...

Sep. 16th, 2008 03:35 am (UTC)
I'm looking over my hat rack... but everything's too big.

oooo - looks like it's bed time. i see monkeys roaming about.

good night!!!! :)
Sep. 16th, 2008 12:15 am (UTC)
I am absolutely boggled and astounded at how fabulous you and your friends are!!
Sep. 16th, 2008 12:47 am (UTC)
It was an absolute blast. I was stunned by how great the poems were. Everyone did a great job reading them, too. The deliveries were beyond priceless.

We also had at least eight people in robes, some in pajamas. One commented on the odd looks he got at the gas station, and I mentioned he could have changed here. It was a great "doh" moment.

I have to scan in the planets before I can do my next post, we had a design a planet competition, too.
Sep. 16th, 2008 02:18 am (UTC)
And to think that I'm in some way responsible for this!
Sep. 16th, 2008 02:21 am (UTC)
Don't you wish you'd found a way down here now? :)
Sep. 16th, 2008 02:59 am (UTC)
Well . . . I was previously committed anyway.
Sep. 16th, 2008 03:11 am (UTC)
did i say that picture (of reddheaded inappropriately touching me) was going to end up online!
damn, there's no escaping it, hehe
(plus i look uglier than usual with no hair and that taliban beard!, can't wait to get rid of it after ScreamFest 08)
Sep. 16th, 2008 03:15 am (UTC)
LOL! I know! I should have asked permission, but since you already made a comment about it being posted to the web I figured that *was* the permission...

haahahahaha Taliban beard! You are cute, even with the shaved head.
Sep. 16th, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)
that shaved head thing is seriously annoying ... and i'm still not used to it
i've been wasting shampoo since i'm used to using a certain amount and with a shaved head .. i really don't need much ... good thing the beard's at the point where it needs more shampoo, hehe

but yes, i figured THAT pic would def. go up on the web, might as well make peace with that concept ... hehe

thx for the compliment :D
Sep. 16th, 2008 03:23 am (UTC)
Yeah. As much as I tease you, you *never* look ugly.
Even when you're dressed as a dumb-ass clown.
Sep. 16th, 2008 03:47 am (UTC)
dumb ass clown!?
i was offerin' complimentry FREE CHICKIN all friday and saturday night .... not ma damn fault ya'll too scared to git it

thx for the compliment also .... and like i said .... after ScreamFest .... i'm NOT getting rid of my hair any time soon, well not til i do the baron werner unterbite costume .... someone find me a good skull cap damn it!
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 21st, 2008 10:04 pm (UTC)
He does have an awfully big grin on his face in the pictures...
Sep. 16th, 2008 08:57 am (UTC)
The winning poem was written by the Swedish Chef!
Sep. 17th, 2008 02:03 am (UTC)
And her delivery was priceless.

I did a "Design a Planet" competition - your idea worked wonderfully! I'm going to scan in some of the planets to share. Thank you so much for the suggestion!!
Sep. 17th, 2008 01:11 am (UTC)
I....miss all of you.
This is utterly fantastic.
Sep. 17th, 2008 10:55 pm (UTC)
SoberChef was supposed to email pictures of herself and B in robes for the competition, but she must not have gotten the chance. Too bad the three of you couldn't have driven over. :)

Could you imagine her poem?!?! LOL!
Sep. 17th, 2008 02:01 am (UTC)
*sigh* wish I could make it!
Sep. 17th, 2008 10:53 pm (UTC)
We would have LOVED for you to have been there. You got to attend our going away party for some friends who moved to Alaska the first time we hosted one of your concerts, but that one didn't have as many games or decorations. This was more elaborate. I think you'd have written a fantastic Vogon poem!!

Plus, Andrew and I talked about the party a bunch one night at Dragoncon, so I would have loved for him to have seen some of his suggestions put into action. (He suggested RC Bulldozers - I took the bulldozer idea but couldn't afford remote controlled ones, so I moved them to his birthday cake.)
Sep. 17th, 2008 10:59 pm (UTC)

Yeah, I can write bad poetry. hehe
( 27 comments — Leave a comment )

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