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I'm being stalked! (Bad celery pun...)

Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can leave "celery" at will in locked kitchens. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who evaluate and post courses are under considerable vegetable stress at this period in history.

Okay - so who's the comedian who left the big styrofoam container of yummy smelling BBQ meat (not sure if it's pork or beef - hence my not using the title "I've Been Porked" for this entry) with John's name on it and the smaller styrofoam container of CELERY with my name on it?!?!

Somebody better reverse labeling but quick, Mister!! I have a suspicion as to who it was because our back door was locked on the bottom but not on the top so PROBABLY it was someone WITH A BACK DOOR KEY!!!



( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 11th, 2008 02:46 am (UTC)
Oh my God, no way, someone came INTO your house and left celery with your name on it?
Were there lobster shaped knives in the box too!?

However, I'm pretty sure they left your doors locked in the order in which they found them, because I've never known a celery stalker to ever leave a door locked differently than they found them locked. There are a few things I know about celery stalker. During the summer of 200) (during my 6 months of insomnia/mental/emotional issue days) since I couldn't sleep I had four jobs plus summer school that year:

- Construction Manager
- Accounting Secretary
- Banquet hall bitch boy
- Celery Stalker

(for more information please visit howtobeacelerystalker.com)

And the meat sounds like it was sliced beef brisket made this morning ... wait why do I know all this?

(Deleted comment)
Mar. 11th, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC)
lol jamie want BBQ!
Mar. 12th, 2008 02:56 am (UTC)
i love you!!

i didn't get to try the BBQ because i was over points but it smelled GOOD GOOD GOOD!!
totally worth sending an address and letting a C.S. (Celery Stalker) in your house.
plus, he'll take out your trash while he's there.

he's like the anthesis of the Lobster Killer.
i may have to change my mind about celery!
umm. no. celery and bamboo shoots still suck.
Mar. 12th, 2008 06:57 am (UTC)
Well I couldn't just use your place and NOT leave a little thank you there. =)

Too bad you didn't get to try the BBQ, it is pretty damn good, especially if it's made that day.
Like I was telling your hubby, I took it off the pit, and it fell apart in my hands, so the chunk that was left in my hand, I decided to cut up and share with you guys since that was the last think I did before I rushed out of work.

Hopefully you can try some of it soon, we have pork too. Let me know when and I'll leave some in your fridge with labels on them. =)

If you EVER need more celery sticks, we have plenty at work, don't even ask, just say "hey, this is a celery emergency and I need more NOW!" and it'll be up there before you know, hehe.

Haha, "celery and bamboo shoots stick stuck", well they do taste similar, hehe.
Mar. 12th, 2008 06:52 am (UTC)
Wow, I didn't know Celery Stalking was a job that high in demand!

Mar. 12th, 2008 03:11 am (UTC)
I know!! who would do that knowing how much i despise celery?!?!?!
THANKFULLY no lobsters. eeeeps! so scary!

huh, the door was like that you think? possibly with your psychic abilities since, of course, you weren't in here with a box of yummy smelling meat that sounds like beef brisket (i'm assuming when you poke it it lows a phrase reminiscent of "mooooi'm beef brisket") and a deceptively marked smiley faced box with the nazi vegetable in question. i suppose we forgot it when we had the door open for nice air flow on Sunday. ooops!

It's nice to know that Celery Stalkers are contentious about returning locks to the position in which they were found. I have a new-found respect for Celery Stalkers! (Just too bad they are so involved with such an evil and yucky tasting though fashionable when adorning button-holes vegetable.)

I would LOVE to see your resume!! and, darn it, there needs to be... no there HAS to be a www.howtobeaceelrystalker.com

Edited at 2008-03-12 03:13 am (UTC)
Mar. 12th, 2008 07:00 am (UTC)
Yea, the door was locked at the handle but the bolt was unlocked. I just left it that way cause there were a few instances where something was damaged and people didn't want to lock something until it was fixed, otherwise it would get stuck and cause more trouble. But from now on, I'll make sure everything is locked and tip top at all times.

Also, someone rang the door bell and before I could get to the door they took off, I checked for boxes and there was nothing on the porch, so I'm not sure if it was just some random guy ringing door bells at 3pm at people's houses or if he had a real purpose for doing that, hehe.
Mar. 12th, 2008 07:09 am (UTC)
Celery Stalkers are a lot like those poor military folks who were sucked into being Nazi's and either had to kill someone else or get killed. It's a job and someone has to do it, not to mention hey have family and friends who need them, and C.S. is the only way for them to get through life. It's a tough job, working around "such an evil and yucky tasting though fashionable when adorning button-holes vegetable", but you MUST understand their situation!

I am glad you have found some love in your heart for these poor C.S. employees.

My resume is as follows:
Age 5: professional snow-shoveler
Age 8: part time snow-shoveler. professional wood chopper, part time bike fixer
Age 10: part time house hold electronics repair guy
Age 11: full time paper boy
Age 16: part time pizza maker, part time paper boy
Age 17: full service gas station supervisor (bitch, meaning I did everything and was credited for none)
Age 18: banquet hall kitchen and bar bitch, accountant assistant, construction manager, celery stalker
Age 19: car wash operator, canada commercial products research appoint scheduler, data processor, OWC student, fiance
Age 22: husband, chicken shack supervisor, wannabe filmmaker
Age 24: official dragon*coner
Age 26: chicken shack clerk (downgraded by choice!), novice carpenter
Age 35: full time contractor, full time weekend wannabe filmmaker! (that's the goal!)
Mar. 11th, 2008 02:58 am (UTC)
Did anyone mess with your trash?
Because I hear that these damn celery stalkers mess with people's trash in weird ways and make it disappear or something.

Mar. 12th, 2008 02:54 am (UTC)
I didn't notice the trash! LOL!
You are so sweet :)

I guess there is more to celery stalkers than meets the eye and I shouldn't be so judgemental of alternative lifestyle choices. Stalkers (of celery) have their good traits, too.
Mar. 12th, 2008 07:10 am (UTC)
celery stalkers need love too
you can't hate them cause of their profession
it's like hating a hitman who's good at heart .... a hitman's just doing his/her job =)
Mar. 11th, 2008 11:59 am (UTC)
lol. Did the box come from a chicken joint in fwb?

Mar. 12th, 2008 02:51 am (UTC)
LOL - okay, I often read posts to John before submitting to check for grammar issues. So for this one when I said "back door" he laughed really loudly and said that could be taken the wrong way and made "in the butt/what what" comment. I explained I'd done that intentionally because I was setting someone up and leaving it wide open and ready for them. I said that in complete innocence and sincerity. Then John laughed even louder, repeated back "leaving it wide open and ready" and told me that was phrased even more poorly as far as being misinterpreted and perverted. It even embarrassed me after he pointed it out... but I still am sharing so what does that say about me?

What what does it say about me?
Mar. 12th, 2008 07:11 am (UTC)
the MIN you said "back door ... etc" ... i was waiting for that
then i ready "leaving it wide open ... " ...... and i knew what was "coming"


man what's wrong with us?

what! what?!
Mar. 15th, 2008 03:16 am (UTC)
Don't be such a perv, Pervy!
There is nothing wrong with us!!
We're they way everyone else should be!!!! :)

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

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