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Canada makes me sad, Canada makes me happy

I almost called this "I read the news today, oh boy..." Steven Page left the Barenaked Ladies. After twenty years it's not unexpected to want to make a change in life, I suppose. The Beatles only lasted ten years. Still, BNL is my favoritest band, and I am very sad. The band itself has not broken up, and they are about to start on recording a new album. I hope this happens. I am incapable of describing how much they mean to me and how powerful/brilliant/touching their music was when they were all together, so I won't even try. I hope he left on good terms, I hope they all continue to do amazing things, I hope the other boys stay together as they say they will (Andy left and the band survived, although Steven was a front man), I hope all sorts of things. I'm sort of flashing back to when George Harrison passed away - kind of an end of a season in my life.



So to try to cheer me up a bit... I have no idea whether or not this is real or not, but it made me smile. I stole this from Ik the Troll's Facebook account. EDIT: And apparently from Zinger's Facebook page, as well!
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe ... Ca-na-da is that big country to your North ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary . Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Please send this on to any Canadian (or others) who you think will enjoy it.

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Comments

( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
gypsyariana
Feb. 26th, 2009 04:39 am (UTC)
Aw, I love BNL! *sadness* "Gordon" is one of my all time favorite albums.

Hopefully, this end of an era is just the beginning of a new one!
madladyred
Feb. 26th, 2009 01:33 pm (UTC)
Gordon is my favorite of their albums, too! I listen to it and to the concert albums more than any of the others. But BnL Are Me/Men (BLAM) have some truly amazing songs on them. If I didn't have such a strong emotional connection to Gordon just due to the passage of time/number of listenings, I might pick BLAM as a favorite. Adrift has some of the most beautiful imagery I have ever heard.

I am really hoping this will be a new era for them. Each of them are amazingly talented individually. I'm sure they will still make amazing music, but I worry for their concerts since the banter between Ed/Steve was center. But they are all clever guys; they can figure something out. I'm also hoping somehow Steve finds his way back. This isn't totally unexpected with the drug bust last year he's obviously been going through some major issues. I'm hoping he gets better and comes home. They've all been working on individual projects since possibly the inception of the band, so a bit of roaming doesn't mean the end. Even if it is, which feels like watching your family split up, I hope Steve is okay and does great things.

Argh - I keep telling myself that I don't even know these people, so why am I so focused on this. But really,I do kind of know them because so much of themselves in their music. They just don't know me. :) But their songs (and Beatles songs) are woven into the fabric of my life and make up a part of me, so I do really care about them. Okay, no more talking. Sorry!
herzograven
Feb. 26th, 2009 04:43 am (UTC)
huh! ... i had no idea they were canadian
no wonder you defend canada all the time :P

as for their questions .... well canada is pretty damn behind on things, so i don't blame others for asking questions of any kind

this one caught my attention:

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.


they failed to mention, that in toronto, milk is sold in PLASTIC BAGS ... you then take those bags home and place them in a "pitcher" and cut the top corner off and pour it ... i mean i work in the ghetto and we don't even operate on such low levels

they also failed to mention that the main brand of milk is called "homo milk"
upon my arrival in 1997 to the shitlands of canada i saw that at my aunts house and started laughing my lungs off .... then had to explain to my cousins why that was funny .... even though they were born and raised there .... is that funny or sad?

in case you didn't believe me, here a picture of HOMO MILK

373023632_c8ef253cf0.jpg

so you see, you can't blame other countries for not knowing how backwards or behind canada really is

even this last time i went up there, people working in coffee shops had no idea what i meant by "wifi"

so here's my little contribution to education the world about canada (don't go there!)

NationalContacts_en-Canada-1.jpg

however, sorry for your loss
sucks when bands betray their fans like this, which is why i've detached myself from music bands all together .... and lately, even film directors/people ... i mean after all spielberg gave us indy 4!
kwix
Feb. 26th, 2009 05:23 am (UTC)
I think milk in a bag is a bloody brilliant idea! I mean, why bother lugging home a jug that will just end up being thrown away when you can use your own pitcher?

Okay, I know the 'homo' stands for homogenized but it is kinda funny.
herzograven
Feb. 26th, 2009 05:29 am (UTC)
yes i know what the homo stands for ... but it's just the whole canada, gay rights, gay parades in the summer ... and then this ... it just makes for lots of laughter on behalf of the whole damn country :D

milk in a bag ... it's REALLY not as great as it sounds
storing 2 bags while you're using ONE bag is a pain
if you need milk in a rush or don't put it away properly ... yea you're gonna be cleaning your fridge out

i have just never seen a western country do such ... well "ghetto" (for the lack of a better word) things

however, all joking aside, "homo" milk should be their last concern .... immigration, now that's a huge problem :D ... and they don't even have their own politicians on their dollar bills ... they have to borrow british ones to put on their "toonies" :D
madladyred
Feb. 26th, 2009 01:24 pm (UTC)
They sell milk in bags in Wisconsin!!! Monkey's best man brings us some occasionally, so I've had that. (Not that brand, but the bagged milk.) And before you wonder too much about why he brings us milk... He brings us "real WI cheese" and "real WI milk" because Wisconsin is known for their dairy farms and their dairy products. :) It's supposed to be the best, kind of like Florida Orange Juice is supposed to be the best OJ. He's actually asked us to bring him some, but we had to explain we buy the same stuff he does - it's sent all over the country. He was *stunned* when we showed him "real WI cheese" in our grocery store. We didn't have the milk, though.

I'm trying to train him to forget the other stuff and just bring cheese curd...
that we don't have around here. YUM!
sarahtoalaska
Feb. 27th, 2009 12:03 am (UTC)
It would be nice to think that people asked these questions because Canada is THAT behind... but the truth is... people are that dumb. We get the same fucking questions here.

Like where can I see Polar bears and Penguins? You Can't. They don't live in the same place.
Or
When do your animals come out? (Not because they thought they hibernated, but because they thought Ak was like a zoo and we "let them out" at certain times)

Do you have cable?

Do you have a dog team?

I can't even think of any of the good questions. People see to think Ak is like a huge zoo or amusement park.
jcw_da_dmg
Feb. 27th, 2009 12:13 am (UTC)
People see to think Ak is like a huge zoo or amusement park.
You mean like Montana?
sarahtoalaska
Feb. 27th, 2009 12:21 am (UTC)
Yep... except we have even stranger animals and people seem to want us to lead them out to show them.

Hey, I'd like to see moose every day too.... but it just doesn't work like that.
madladyred
Feb. 27th, 2009 01:43 am (UTC)
I see mooses every day.
sarahtoalaska
Feb. 27th, 2009 01:45 am (UTC)
I know... and how weird a Floridian would see more moose than I do. :D
madladyred
Feb. 27th, 2009 01:44 am (UTC)
Do you have a dog team with cable?
Whenever I give out the college address to an out-of-state school (and sometimes even in-state schools) I get asked "Is it Nice there?"

The idea people think AK is like a zoo amuses me...
sarahtoalaska
Feb. 27th, 2009 01:50 am (UTC)
Re: Do you have a dog team with cable?
Every time I tell someone I moved from Florida I get "Why? I've ALWAYS wanted to live in Florida"

Most of the tourist up here really do act like we can control our animals. Not to mention they don't realize how LARGE alaska is... they wanna be able to take a day trip to the artic circle or walk to Denali.

Kenton once had someone staying in Orlando say they wanted an ocean side view. When he told her that Orlando was no where near the ocean she told him she didn't believe him because she's seen a map and knew Florida was really skinny.
madladyred
Feb. 28th, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Do you have a dog team with cable?
LOL! I can totally see her point. Man, that was cruel of Kenton to deny her!!!

I told you about my Italian penpal who was so excited because she was going to Orlando Florida to cover a tennis tournament (she worked for an Italian tennis magazine), and she wanted us to meet for lunch!! I had to write back and explain that it would be about a 6 hour drive or so for me to get to Orlando, so we probably can't just pop over for lunch. Would have been really cool if would could, but at the time I didn't even have a car. :(

It's funny, but a lot of people in and out of the US can't seem to grasp how big Florida is. One of John's uncles told me he didn't realize until he had to fly from Somewheresville, Wisconsin to Miami and the time it took to fly from Wisconsin to the Florida line was equal to the time it took to fly from the FL line to Miami, so it that was the midway point the state was be pretty much as long as the rest of the country. I'm sure it's even worse for Alaska because it seems like it's a million times bigger than any of the other states so it's beyond our ability to grasp or something.


OHOHOH - Denali is a real place?!?! It gets mentioned in Twilight, but I didn't realize it was real. Pretty sad on my part. But I bet the number of people asking about going there increased dramatically after the books came out.
sarahtoalaska
Feb. 28th, 2009 09:52 pm (UTC)
Re: Do you have a dog team with cable?
http://www.nps.gov/dena/
Denali... well is a national park and a mountain. Confusingly enough Denali is also Mount Mckinley.

Denali National park includes Mckinley. Mckinley was called Denali by the natives until Mckinley climbed it. Then they renamed it officially. Although tons of people in Ak still call it Denali. They have tried many a time to name it back but the state Mckinley came from always fights it saying it's disrespectful to Mckinley. (We won't mention how disrespectful it was to the natives to change it in the first place)

So yep... it's a real place. The funny thing is I wondered for a long time why there weren't more vampire stories written in Ak at least in the winter. Now I've come across like 3. The sad thing is they are usually wrong. Written by people who've never been here and not really done the research. I had one were they were talking about the huge old forest where they were. Except they were in a place that doesn't have ANY trees... much less old ones. :D

I do get how people know so little about this state before they've been here. (Although not how they write something that bad. I read Twilight and I think they only mentioned it, so they are good) I don't get some of the really stupid question I've heard.

Ak is so big. That if you cut it in half, Texas would be the 3rd largest state. :D Here's a good site to tell you HOW much.
http://www.uaf.edu/asgp/k12/birds_eye_view/ch2/story2-3.htm
madladyred
Mar. 1st, 2009 03:49 pm (UTC)
Denali
Oh - that is really interesting and also makes me kind of mad a little. I'm totally with you about it being disrespectful to change the name McKinley/Denali in the first place and the irony(?)/stupidity(?)/arrogance(?) of using that as an excuse not to change it back. I had no idea about any of that.

I think Twilight is okay, too. I've finished all four (so far), and she's never described Denali, only mentioned it. Perhaps that's why it never occured to me it was a real place. I've never been to Italy or Forks (is that the town they live in in Washington state?) so I don't know how well she did with those, though!! I do have problems when authors or tv shows get places or concepts wrong (like scientific explanations or legends). It takes me right out of the story.

Cool links! Thanks! I have some reading to do! :) :) :)
sarahtoalaska
Mar. 1st, 2009 07:35 pm (UTC)
Re: Denali
I'm nit sure if Forks is a real place or not, but if she lived near enough to the coast the discription sounds right. I live in Washington when I was 10/11. All I remember was grey. I don't remember the sun or snow or anything. Honestly I don't have a clear memory of rain... just... grey. Even the beach seemed sad and grey and cold.
madladyred
Feb. 27th, 2009 01:47 am (UTC)
We do not talk of Indy 4 :(

(Although Joe actually lifted my spirits about that movie quite a bit. He was able to explain several of the more *what's the word?* references that you would only get if you watched all the movies, shows, books, etc. and knew minute details. Kind of like how I was impressed by the Rutles because I knew so much about the Beatles. So while I still don't like Shai LaBouf (sp?) so much, I don't hate the entire movie any more with as much passion as I originally did.)
jcw_da_dmg
Feb. 26th, 2009 05:21 pm (UTC)
Canadia?
madladyred
Feb. 26th, 2009 11:21 pm (UTC)
Where the Canadans live.
For Raven, it's probably Ca-Nada (isn't nada "nothing" in Spanish?)

I would go back to VanCouver in a heartbeat. It was lovely :)
magnet5
Feb. 27th, 2009 04:41 pm (UTC)
For what it's worth I've read articles where the same kind of things are asked about the south--like the Atlanta tourism bureau being asked if a hotel will have indoor plumbing.

Apparently when the winter Olympics were in Salt Lake City, one of the standard tourist activities was to look around and ask "Where are the mormons?" or "Do you have any Mormon food?"
madladyred
Feb. 28th, 2009 07:04 pm (UTC)
That's hysterical. "Spot the Mormon" as a tourist activity.

I have had some very dumb Florida questions asked of me by friends in the North and some cute ones from foreign penpals. I rather like those questions; they are fun. I wish I were as funny with answers as the Canadian tourism bureau.
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )

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