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In My Life (I loved him more)

All day today I kept trying to figure out what day it was. At first I thought it was my Aunt's birthday, so I started to grab some paper to write her a quick belated card. Then I remember that her birthday was April 8th. After that I started to wonder if it was Julian Lennon's birthday. But that is April 8th, too. So I puzzled and puzzled, because I knew today was an important day.

It hit me around 3 pm.

It's the anniversary of John Lennon's death.

I was stunned that it took me so long to realize the day considering all the years I lit candles while crying and listening to his music. He had a huge impact on my life and remains a powerful part of my self-image. I haven't cried on a December 8th in many years, although I do still light a candle. I actually wrote a poem the first Dec 8th when I didn't cry because it felt so strange to not be crying. It wasn't an Empty Garden or even an All Those Years Ago, but it was heartfelt. Tonight I'll just be lighting a candle.

Here's to John. :)

It was the year of The Beatles
It was the year of The Stones
A year after J.F.K.
We were staying up all night
And giving the days away
And the music was flowing amazing
And blowing my way

On a cold December evening
I was walking through the Christmas tide
When a stranger came up and asked me
If I'd heard John Lennon had died
And the two of us went to this bar
And we stayed to close the place
And every song we played
Was for The Late Great Johnny Ace, yeah, yeah, yeah


EDIT - sorry, I assumed Paul Simon's lyric was recognizable on it's own. Should have cited it, however, just in case anyone hasn't already heard the song. It's not about John per se, but he's mentioned in it.

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( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
sarahtoalaska
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:46 am (UTC)
I think you not crying over Lennon's death is not because you feel his death any less. You just have so much good in your life to help balance out the bad of his loss.

There will never again be anyone like him.
herzograven
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:21 am (UTC)
i agree with sarah but also over time it becomes easier to deal with a loss like that
of course once in a while there will be things that just pop up and remind you of something which will bring tears to your eyes, but overall one can break the pain down easier once time has passed by and you have much more happiness around you

cause honestly, how many people are as happy as we are, of course we have difficulties at work, and other crap that comes in our day to day lives, but the amount of fun we have on the weekends when we're all together is probably illegal in most places and with most people

i doubt anyone has this sort of "real" fun on their weekends (meaning, we don't need to get drunk to have fun ... i mean did you see toastr's post with her pictures!),

we're truly blessed to have each other and very very lucky that we have this sort of source of happiness

i used to be EXTREMELY depressed on the 19th of oct. since 1998
this year the 19th came around when i was in orlando attending the screamfest and i completely forgot about it until i went to post my progress on LJ and saw what the date was

i had my wife with me, my best friend paid for me to attend this trip, i had sarah, hillary and jamie texting me with silly, goofy and fun messages, i had met a great number of celebrities i had always wanted to meet ... and i was at a horror convention having a blast ... so where does depression or sadness even fit in there?

that's when i realized that yes of course i still miss my first home (germany), but just because i left it on the 19th of oct doesn't mean i have to hang on that sadness, because if i hadn't left there i wouldn't have found my 2nd home here with the family i love :D

(ok, i'm done rambling)

just look at my icon
"why so serious"

muwa-ha-ha
sarahtoalaska
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you for putting what I wanted to say into better words. I'm glad that our love and friendship can help ease the pain of you leaving your beloved Germany.
madladyred
Dec. 10th, 2008 11:40 pm (UTC)
You both made perfect sense to me.

And S2K said it perfectly, so I'm just going to repeat her - I, too, am glad our love and friendship can help ease the pain of you leaving your beloved Germany. :)

We are *definitely* blessed to have each other. I love all you guys so much. :)
sarahtoalaska
Dec. 11th, 2008 12:12 am (UTC)
I believe we are some of the luckiest people in the entire world. I honestly can't imagine my life without you all.

We make the best friends anyone can ever have.
herzograven
Dec. 11th, 2008 07:44 am (UTC)
we truly are some lucky sumbitches to have each other
it's very rare to find a friendship like this and if you ask most people they don't even have friends like we do .... they consider "acquaintances" friends and that's what they believe friendship to be

i feel rather sad for mundane people who never experience the love that is attached to our family .... because it's really sad to go through life thinking you don't have anyone you can confide in .. and unless they're family no one will really be there for you ..... i'm willing to abandon any blood relative for my chosen family's doormat .... that's how i feel about you guys!

you guys really made it easy to deal with all the crap that came my way a few years ago, and now that i know i have you guys, everything that is crap is way easier to deal with

:D
sarahtoalaska
Dec. 11th, 2008 05:40 pm (UTC)
Oh no... I think we all need to get better doormats. That way if Raven trades his blood family for one.... at least he'll have a really nice doormat.
herzograven
Dec. 11th, 2008 07:49 am (UTC)
i could never give up my relationship with any of you guys for anything
not even moving back to germany ... cause once you've experienced the kind of love we all share ... it would be impossible to live without it for me

i'd rather get shot (preferably in the leg or something, in the fleshy part, away from the bone and artery) than leave you guys .... it's not even a choice for me
magnet5
Dec. 10th, 2008 06:35 pm (UTC)
The poem was lovely.
madladyred
Dec. 10th, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC)
It's a Paul Simon song! I was very melancholy when writing that post, so I didn't think about the fact someone might not recognize the song lyrics. I've added a citation just in case anyone gets the wrong idea.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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